


colorless echo

by beautifullytrxgic



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi-centric, M/M, Protective Jeon Wonwoo, Suicide Attempt, heavily inspired by bts' blue and grey, i was listening to let go while writing this now i'm even sadder, soonyoung is just sad, wonwoo is there for him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifullytrxgic/pseuds/beautifullytrxgic
Summary: “Soonyoung!”He turned around slowly, raindrops mixing with tears. A weak, sad smile graces his lips, eyes meeting Wonwoo’s worried ones. For a moment they just stayed like that, the silence only being broken by the rain.“I’m sorry,” he says in a broken whisper, tears brimming at the corner of his eyes.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo & Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi
Kudos: 48





	colorless echo

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags, please!!
> 
>   
> this was supposed to be just a prompt but i kind of got carried away...anyway hope u enjoy this word vomit that i wrote within two days :D
> 
> title from bts' blue and grey

Soonyoung couldn’t really remember when he got here, but somehow, as he stares off into the distance, cold raindrops falling down his back, he finds that he didn’t really care anymore because this honestly was quite peaceful. _Ironic_ , he thinks, as he looks down at the street below him, at all the people walking along the sidewalk. It would’ve been a beautiful sight had it not been for the endless thoughts running through his head telling him to jump.

He remembers the events of earlier so faintly. The relentless screaming of his mind as it offers unhelpful thoughts to him, the uncontrollable twitching of his fingers as he tries to not cut himself, the suffocating feeling of the walls closing in on him and the pounding of his own heart. It had been the middle of night that time, and Soonyoung, losing control over his senses, had dragged himself out of bed and walking over to the rooftop of the company building.

He's never gotten this far, never gotten this bad. The last close-call he’s had was a few weeks ago, clutching a pair of scissors in his shaking hands and almost cutting himself so deeply until he bled.

But not once had he actually made a move to do something like this. He’s considered it, more times than he could even count, but Soonyoung has never actually went to a place like this to kill himself, to end everything. It scared him, a bit, but he’s just so tired, so tired of everything that he couldn’t think of anything else other than giving up.

Soonyoung knows it’s cowardly, he’s always known that, but everything is just too much all at once and his mind won’t give him a break that he just wants to run away from all of it. To just leave everything behind and finally have peace, finally be able to be _free_.

And wouldn’t that be nice? To finally be able to rest after months and months of fighting a losing battle?

Soonyoung smiles, stepping forward, the raindrops being his only witness to the irreversible act he’s about to commit. He wonders what his members will think when they find out. He wonders what their reaction will be, what they’ll feel when they wake up soon and find that he’s gone. Forever.

He freezes, and for a moment he thinks that maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all. The sudden guilt clawing at his chest is suffocating as the image of his friends crying, crying because of him, flashes right before his eyes.

He’s shaking, and he doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he feels the tears falling down his eyes. Maybe he should stop. Maybe he should just go back. Maybe he should’ve never done this at all.

_But I’m here now, aren’t I?_ The thought comes to him before he even has a chance to ignore it. Soonyoung takes a deep breath. _It’s too late to turn back now, right?_

“I just want to be happier,” he whispers into the silence, into the rain. “Is that too much to ask for? Am I being too greedy?”

All of this is too much. Soonyoung just wants everything to end.

“Soonyoung!”

He turned around slowly, raindrops mixing with tears. A weak, sad smile graces his lips, eyes meeting Wonwoo’s worried ones. For a moment they just stayed like that, the silence only being broken by the rain.

“I’m sorry,” he says in a broken whisper, tears brimming at the corner of his eyes.

Wonwoo steps closer to him, hand reaching out. His voice is shaky and he sounded scared. “Why?”

Soonyoung wonders how one, simple word could hold so many emotions, could hold so many unspoken thoughts. He’s been wondering about a lot of things ever since he got here.

Soonyoung just shakes his head, trying to find the right thing to say. “I just- I’m so tired.”

Is that even a reason? Soonyoung knows deep down it wasn’t that simple, and he wants so badly to tell Wonwoo about everything that he’s been feeling for the past couple of months.

He wants to say how he feels like he doesn’t belong among the thirteen of them, that he can’t help thinking how happy they all seem without him. He wants to speak to the younger about his fear of the future and how he lays at night thinking if he’ll still be here in a few years’ time, how he just feels so _uncertain_ over everything. He wants to confess how he’s resorted to cutting as a way to get rid of the pain, of the guilt.

But instead, all that comes out of his mouth is a sob, and before he could even comprehend what was happening, Wonwoo is suddenly pulling him into a hug, holding Soonyoung against his chest.

And he just breaks.

Everything he’s been keeping from everyone comes spilling out his mouth in the form of cries and sobs. The world around him was blurring, the raindrops feeling colder than before. It was like the walls that Soonyoung has built around him finally crumbled into pieces, like the numbness was finally gone.

Soonyoung just buries his head onto Wonwoo’s chest, the latter’s arms wrapping around him tightly. Something like love bursts out of his heart and despite the rain, warmth fills his entire body as the feeling of being safe washed over him. He cries harder, letting Wonwoo run his hand through his damp hair and whisper soft reassurances into his ears. He’s shivering – from the rain or from the crying, he couldn’t tell anymore – and before he even knows it, Wonwoo’s pulling him closer, continuing to comfort Soonyoung as much as he could.

They stay like that for a while, Wonwoo holding Soonyoung as the latter cries uncontrollably before Wonwoo pulls away and cups the elder’s cheeks in his hand and staring right into his puffy eyes.

“I’m here, okay? We’re all here for you, and you can always come to any of us if you need someone to talk to, okay?” He says, gently brushing the hair out of Soonyoung’s face, smiling softly.

Soonyoung just nods, too tired to speak. Wonwoo holds his hand, leading him out of the rooftop. Once they’re inside, it was only then that the weight of what he had almost done crashed down on him. And before he could even stop himself, there are tears running down his face again.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Wonwoo asks, holding his hand. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

Sobs fell from his mouth, and he feels pathetic more than anything. “I- I’m sorry. For worrying you, for b-bothering all of you…”

Wonwoo shushes him, pulling him into another hug. “You don’t have to apologize, Soonie. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Upon hearing the other’s words, Soonyoung cries harder. “Don’t leave me, please.” He manages to say through the tears, voice small and scared.

Wonwoo just holds him tighter. “Wouldn’t even think about it.”

“I’m scared, Wonwoo.”

“It’s okay to be scared, Soonyoung. Just don’t think you’re alone cause you’re not, okay? I’m here, we’re all here for you,” he pulls away to look the elder in the eye, offering a warm, comforting smile.

Soonyoung knows it won’t be easy. He knows it’s going to be a long, bumpy road before everything is okay again, before everything will truly be back to normal again.

It’s not going to be easy, but he knows his friends will be there by his side the whole time, and that, Soonyoung thinks, is enough reason to start.

He looks up at Wonwoo, the smallest smile on his lips. “Okay.”


End file.
